Undesirable

That's right. I am an undesirable. I kind of had it in the back of my mind before, but now I know for sure.and I don't mean in that romantic, sexual "I gotta have you!" way. (Heh, that went out the door years ago.) No, I mean in the way that I am a social outcast,a pariah of sorts because I am an obese person in this country.

I had two instances last week that proved it to me. The funny thing is, it's something that's been happening for quite a while but I never really noticed or paid much attention to it until recently.

The first incident happened with a podiatrist, of all people. Now, I understand that a podiatrist is a medical professional and is somewhat concerned with my overall health and well-being. That said, though, I went to him for problems related to my feet and ankles that I've been having when I've been exercising.I didn't go to my general practitioner for a yearly physical or any other problem. I went to a podiatrist for a specific problem. Did I get any help with that? Nope. I got a lecture on how I need to lose weight. How do I do that when every time I hit the treadmill or go for a walk my feet, ankles and shins hurt? Did you ask what I've been doing, if I'm working on losing weight? How about a suggestion for alternative forms of exercise? (Yes, I know the answer, and I've been doing it. Did you know that?) What about an answer to my question of how do I exercise to lose the weight you said I need to lose if I can't go for a simple walk on the treadmill without pain? And no, the "I know, it's a viscous cycle" answer that you gave really wasn't helpful. In fact, it just cemented the thought I had that you took one look at me, saw my weight, jumped to your conclusion and then went through the motions of the exam.

Rather like that other doctor I had 2 years ago when I was diagnosed with Low-T. He saw an obese person and didn't even bother with anything else. That is, until he saw the blood test he had me do just to appease me. Then he realized that there was something else wrong and called me back.

To any and all medical professionals reading this: Please, please go beyond the weight. There's a real person beneath those extra layers, sometimes with real problems. Where's your compassion?? Why did you become a doctor if you're really not interested in helping me and my problem?? (And for the small percentage of you that actually do care, thank you for making us feel like a person. Alysa, you're one of them. Thank you.)

And that's just the medical profession.

I walked in to a 2nd-hand exercise equipment place (yes, that was a hint) a few days ago to inquire on an accessory for my wife. They didn't have what I was looking for. But then when I stopped to ask about a stationary bike that caught my eye, the look and response I got made me feel as if they wondered why I even asked. As if my weight meant I don't exercise. Look. I'll admit I haven't exercised much in the last...15?...years, but I'm changing that. I've been exercising for about 2 months now, I'm loving it, and I'm looking to branch out and do more than just my 3 times a week in the pool. I would like to have a piece of equipment to do that. Obviously it won't be with a piece of equipment from that store. I wouldn't waste my money there. If you prefer to have an empty store to a person inquiring about the goods you sell, if you can gauge my interest in a piece of equipment just on my looks, my size, then I guess that's your business. I happen to think you're wrong, but it's still your business.

The worst about all this? I had been feeling wonderful. I had been on a couple-weeks' high from all the activity I'd been getting, from all the accomplishments I'd achieved by breaking previous exercise highs, both in time and distance. I had been feeling strong.

Two examples proved to me that I've got a long ways to go before I become "desirable". (And even when I shed all this weight...that's right, I said w-h-e-n...I'll still be undesirable because of this darn bald spot! But I'm at peace with that, so we're good.)